The following post is written by a good friend, avid pet savior, and new mom Cait Deppe. I’ve known Cait for several years and her compassion for animals has no bounds. I wanted her to share this post because she knows the subject well. Have a read, but maybe bring a box of tissues with you.
If you ever had the honor to share your life with a pet, you know the unspoken love and bond shared between two souls. Our pets are not just pets, they become family. Some of them take the place of our children, they help us overcome grief when a parent dies, they travel with us when we start new lives in new cities, they are there for our highest highs and lowest lows. They are forgiving, hold no grudges, and their love is unconditional with no bounds. So how do we navigate their great loss when they are no longer here?
Considerations:
Before we make the painful decision, it is important to determine their quality of life. Some pets have good days in between the bad and we naturally want to hold onto those good days in hopes they will recover. The best thing to do during this time is to tune into yourself and your pet. That bond you have does not diminish, but strengthens, during this time. Your nonverbal ques and communications are still happening, although sometimes consumed by the shock and denial, it can seem harder to hear what they are saying. Take these final moments to give them as much love, attention, and time outside as they can handle.
How does one make the decision? How do you know it is time? Oftentimes, your pet will tell you. Many cases, your pet will communicate their declining quality of life through their eyes, exhausted bodies, and tired souls. It can be hard to determine how many good days may be left. Despite how old or sick your pet is, the hardest decision is sometimes the right decision, but it is never an easy one.
Once the decision is made and your beloved pet is ready to cross over, another decision arises: do you stay during this process or leave? Some cannot bare the pain of seeing their pet in their final moments and wish to remember them the way they were before they got to this point. Some wish to stay in those final moments to not leave their companion until their very last breath. This decision is not one your pet will ever know. Remember, animals do not hold grudges. It is our own guilt we project onto them. Their final moments with us do not always define the bond we shared with our beloved pet.
After they have passed, how does one process such a tragic event? Being familiar with the stages of grief can certainly help: Shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and reflection, and acceptance. It is important to know these stages are not linear and perfectly normal to feel more than one stage at one time.
Mourning their loss will certainly feel like a roller coaster, with many ups remembering their youth and fun times and many downs remembering their struggles. Positive coping outlets would include: writing them a letter, writing yourself a letter, planting a tree or flowers for them (which can consist of their ashes), having a memorial painting done, celebrate their birthday or the day they came into your life, setting up a memorial space in your home, consider leaning on pet loss support groups, read books on the human animal bond and cherish how special yours was, volunteer at a local shelter when you feel ready, continue your routine as if they were still here, donate to a charity in their honor, read about pet loss and consult with a counselor who specializes in pet loss and bereavement.
While the loss of a pet is always difficult, how lucky are we that we get to love something so much we mourn their loss when they are no longer here in the physical. And even though, loss is not something we want to relive, oftentimes we find ourselves starting the experience all over, by opening up our hearts to another companion even though we know the end result.
“The hardest part of owning a pet is knowing our time with them is never long enough” – Cait Deppe
